You wish you looked this good

6.3.07

Unkle Karl Pic of the Week- Let's hike!

And you thought hikers were unfashionable! Not Unkle Karl. This bitch won't step foot in a National Park unless dressed head to toe in Dior Homme.

And let me tell you , once Unkle Karl gets walking, there is no stopping him. Karl did the Kokoda trail in half a day and then designed 3 collections, before night fall, without breaking so much as a sweat on his botoxed little brow. Don't be fooled thinking it was his diet that helped him lose all that weight.

I believe this photo was taken somewhere around the base camp of 'Mount Kanchenjunga', in Nepal. Karl personal delivered fabric swatches to starving children in a local village. He's like the Mother Teresa of the fashion world.
You may notice he's not wearing he signature gloves in this photo. That's because, in an act of utter selflessness, he gave them to a young boy suffering from Malaria. The fact the boy really needed anti-viral medication is irrelevant. Because at the end of the day anyone can be healthy, but only a select few can be HOT. And if there is one thing Karl knows about, it's hotness. For the few minutes before his liver failed him and he slipped into a coma, that boy would have been the coolest kid in his village. Could medication have done that? I. Don't. Think. So.

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5.3.07

Good Lord

This pic was taken at the Miu Miu show in Paris this week.

The model (named Masha) looked a little frightened walking down the runway.

Maybe Miuccia Prada stuck a pin in her arse before she went out!

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4.3.07

Paris Fall RTW- Crazy John's fashion show

It was fright night at the John Galliano show over the weekend in Paris. Models dressed as if they had crawled out of the ground, strutted down the runway in vintage inspired dresses.

Make-up extraordinaire Pat McGrath, didn't so much 'provided' make-up for the girls as, 'grab them by the back of their heads and pound their faces into her make-up case'.

Bruised zoombie hookers, are so chic right now.

"What me drunk?...(burp, little spew) are yooouusssee crazy?... I'm just having a good night out in my little black dress of despair, nusssing tooo worrry about!"

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and seeing this scary bitch staring down at you? I'm getting shivers just thinking about it. Put her back in the clown cemetery where you found her John!

"S'up bitches? Yeah I'm dead and shit, you gotta a mother fucking problem with that? Quit looking at me like you never seen a battered and bruised deceased bitch strutting down a runway... you making me uncomfortable."

"Just popping down to the shop to get some ingredients for my brew! 1 teaspoon of my dead lovers tears, 1 cup of semen from the scrotum of an angry Irish man and the toe nails of a banished Mormon. Thank god for 7-11 I say!"

And then the man himself wandered out in what can only be described as an 'eclectic' outfit. Gumboots, pyjamas, rake and vest covered in war medals and flowers certainly says, 'welcome to Looneyville, population 1, where the buffet serves nothing but crazy salad and nutcase fondue.' But then we'd expect nothing less from John. And what a boring place it'd be without him.

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Vogue cover material?

Kate Moss and boyfriend Pete Doherty are set to be the cover stars of the April, American Vogue.

The cover is apparently been shot by famed photog Mario Testino! Wowsers...

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Magazine Monday- what's going on here?

Welcome to a new week. And what better way to start the grind than with a couple of head scratches. Young Dancer and Flaun+, are two magazines that couldn't be any more different, yet have one big thing in common- that been that neither of their covers make any sense at all...

It took me a really long time to figure out-

a) what the headline read.

and

b) who was the strange upside down man on the cover.

After staring at this for so long my brain started to hurt I worked out the answer to both these questions. If you haven't figured it out yet, the guy on the front is Alec Baldwin. And the headline seems to read 'War and Mo, and Mo and Me'. The only problem was that even after figuring this out I STILL HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON! So many questions left unanswered, why is he upside down? Whose Mo? And what does this Mo have to do with Alec... or war? And which war are they talking about? Iraq? Vietnam? The goddamn Crimean War of 1854?

As frustrating as it all is, perhaps that was the magazines' master plan. Make a cover so obscure and confusing that befuddled customers, at the magazine section of Borders, would be forced to buy the thing simply to find out what it's all about. But not me, I shall just force myself to live with the uncertainty and unanswered questions, that I've so often come to expect from Alec Baldwin.

Besides been the cheapest looking thing I have ever seen, the cover for this month's Young Dancer is also rather worrying. I mean, is the girl on the front cover alright? She looks as though she's fallen and can't get up. Her wrist appears to be snapped in half and her face looks worryingly pained. What sort of sadistic editor would choose such a moment, to document for their front cover? And then to mock her with the headline- 'Lauren Curran Jumps for Joy. What makes this girl dance?' Quite clearly, nothing will be making young Lauren dance for at least the next six weeks. But hopefully when she gets the plaster off, Lauren will finally jump for joy and tap her way on to the next cover of Young Dancer in a triumphant come-back issue, the likes of, the dancing community has never seen! Go Lauren, go!

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28.2.07

Balenciaga awesomeness...

I really love this collection from Balenciaga, shown yesterday in Milan. All the colours and patterns are really gorgeous. Hotness times a hundred.

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Magazine Wednesday

Doesn't have the same ring as Magazine Monday, but hey, we couldn't go a week without at least one magazine day. And this week we are focusing on the teen fashion market. As witnessed by the size of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's bank accounts, this is a MASSIVE market. And you better believe everyone from Anna Wintour's Vogue, to Cosmopolitan is cashing in on it...

This month's issue of CosmoGirl features Lauren Conrad. Lauren who? some of you may be asking. And I probably would be to, but my parents have cable TV at their place, so I've had far too many opportunities to watch shit TV that the world would be a better off without.

Laguna Beach, otherwise known as 'the real O.C.' is a reality TV show, where a handful of rich kids, with the combined IQ's of my left knee, spend their days been filmed, as they mindlessly waste copious amounts of money shopping and sitting around their, strangely absent, parent's pools. And Lauren or 'L.C', as this bland chip is known was the queen bee of the first series. LC's storyline seemed to revolve, mainly, around her desire to get the most even tan while seducing the show's pin-up boy Steven- about as fascinating as watching my mum read the newspaper. But hey, well done for getting on a magazine cover, share your irrelevance with a wider audience. And it's always something to show your kids when they ask you what on earth you were ever famous for?

Not so sure why Vogue needs a teen version of it's magazine. I mean aren't most of the girls featured on the cover of regular Vogue teenagers anyway?

This month's cover features 'rising star' Kirsten Stewart. Again you may be having a 'who's she?' moment, but refreshingly Kirsten is actually famous for 'doing' something. I know, it's pretty crazy concept but Kirsten has amazingly achieved something in her 17-years on this planet.

Probably most familiar for her role as Jodie Foster's daughter in David Fincher's Panic Room, Kirsten also stared as a rape victim in the TV movie Speak. Apparently she had four lines, but was very good, so I shall say no more about the girl and let her get on with her career. That is of course unless she decides to star, feature, host, produce, direct or provide catering for a reality TV show and/or movie. I'll then be forced to have some serious words to the young miss.

What can I say about Mandy Moore? I actually have such a soft spot for the girl. I thought she was great in 'Entourage' and apparently she was awesome in that movie 'Saved'. And she seems rather smart for a young Hollywood actress, which is always something I don't expect, and therfore am impressed by.

However, I think I shall have to pull her up on this magazine cover. It's not that she looks bad or anything. In fact she looks wonderful. It's just I think she's kind of taking the piss, being on the cover of Seventeen. I mean the girls in her mid twenties! I know when she first jumped on to the scene with that terrible 'Candy' song, she was a young pup, but that was like 10 years ago. Time to move on Mandy. Twenty-two magazine is begging for you to be on it's cover.

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25.2.07

Sex- The movie

Apparently the original screenwriters are working on the script for the new SATC movie. I am rather excited about this. I Wonder if the super talented Patricia Field (the woman responsible for the awesome outfits on the show) is on-board?

All the girls have signed on, even Kim Catrall, who was originally in a pay dispute with the producers resulting in the film's delay.

Production is due to start mid-year...

Do you think it will be good or tragic?

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Fashion at the Oscars

I know the Oscars are a little outside the realm of what we do here, but it's just too good an opportunity to not write about considering every movie star (that matters), is at the show wearing a designer dress. And these dresses will be seen by over two billion people. So you can imagine what effect that has on a designer's profile and profitability. And if it effects designers then it effects us (I'm so dramatic). Plus there's just too much opportunity for hilarity...

Jodie Foster grins and bears having to wear her Vera Wang dress (or any dress for that matter- you know how much those lesbians love their functional pants and chunky soled shoes!)

Gwyneth- "I forgot a hair tie and you seem to have fallen in a fish tank and attached some coral to your otherwise pretty Armani dress! hahahhaha... we really need to sort our shit out...I mean, I don't even know why I was invited hahaha, I'M NOT EVEN NOMINATED FOR ANYTHING!..." (fades off to awkward silence)

Isla Fisher doesn't need a bra. She has a convenient boobie shelf, built right into her pretty little, strapless forest green dress.

The mini Aussie supported her fiancee Sacha Baron Cohen, whose film Borat was bizarrely nominated for 'best adapted screenplay'. Hmmmmm? I though Borat was improvised?

Fucking hot! I have no other words to describe Penelope Cruz's strapless Versace dress. Although imagine the amount of cigarette butts and straws this thing would pick up at the after party- very messy.

Apparently Penelope snuck in Salma Hayek under her hem. Those Latino ladies look after each other.

Straight after this photo was taken, Cate Blanchett raised her right hand into the air and jetted off the the planet Zargon in her Armani Prive dress, where she battled the Cryptopians in an interstellar battle for control of the universe. What can't this wonder woman do? She's an actor, mum, face of obscure Japanese skin care company and now an intergalactic warrior. And I guess considering she didn't win, she could always take herself home as a life sized, runner-up, silver Oscar.